'Epic Fail' from Millsy - The Summoning

[Atishoo! Sniff!] Tamsin had had enough. "These rotten colds are doing my head in!" she thought. "How can I be expected to concentrate on painting 40,000 little brown Rebs when my eyes are watering and I can't see straight? And this bloody Five-D Cough Syrup is hopeless, although I am starting to like the taste which is a tad disturbing..."

What to do?!? "I know, I'll ask for a little help!" So donning her official Posties Reject hooded robe (Honestly, they're NOT a cult. No, really...) she headed for the spare bedroom and prepared to summon a little brush-wielding help. Surely nobody would know an extra set of impish hands had been helping with the painting? [You really need to vacuum in there Tamsin, there's so much dust there's weeds growing!]

Walking to he centre of her stone circle, bleach fumes still spinning in her head, Tamsin began to chant...

O great Postie, send me help!
Send me an imp, send me an imp,
Send me a GIMP!

The second that last line of the incantation left her mouth she knew she'd goofed. "GIMP? Why did I say GIMP? I know that word's more than over-used these days but surely I'm not obsessed with six foot tall sun-bronzed Aussie blokes standing about in their backyards?

"Oh well", she thought... "What's the worst that could happen?!? Nothing has appeared here in front of me as expected, after all." If only Tamsin knew what was behind her! For as the rest of us all know, GIMP is demon-speak for Greater IMP, and they don't come any greater (or angrier) than this.

Because you see, it's grudge-match weekend in the football and no self-respecting bright red demon likes being dragged away from the telly when ManU are visiting Anfield for a dose of Scouse Power. THAT, my friends, really IS an EPIC Fail...

100% true stories aside, the demon was gifted to me by a mate and I've no idea who made it. It's an oddly Geiger-esque looking thing but painted up well enough and certainly looks the part. "Tamsin" is a pre-slotta Chaos sorcerer and may be an old Marauder or Citadel mini but there were no legible identifying marks so I can't say for sure. The stone circle is a rather fine plaster item and was bought from a bargain bin years ago and put away, knowing at some point I'd need to extract a little revenge (okay, maybe just cause I can't resist a bargain).

'Epic Fail' from ClintB - Toes Up

'Epic Fail' from AlexS - No Comment

No comment

'Epic Fail' from AdamC - Two Sisters with Clueless Parents

So unless you've been under a rock you probably haven't been able to avoid Disney movie Called Frozen this is especially true if you have kids, friends with kids etc. If you haven't its the story of two sisters one of whom has magical powers that she has shaky control over.  There is an accident the other child is almost killed and the parents over react isolating her form everyone(and ignoring her desperate need to learn how to use her magic)  and after they die her powers overwhelm her and she start the next ice age.  All in all its a pretty epic fail of parenting. 

As it turns out Northstar has two figures that are dead ringers for the girls form the movie the claim the girls are Fire Elementalists clearly trying to distract us from the resemblance... but failing epically. When I saw them I saw the chance to create a Frostgrave Wizard and Apprentice for some kid Friendly convention game where some young lady would get a kick out of playing them. Also had an idea for how tho paint them that would wither look epic or fail in epic fashion and so I had my entry for this bonus round.
 

I tried to stick to the colors from the movie to the extent I could Elsa's outfit is very sparkly so after painting the dress sleeves and corset I mixed glossy enamel and embossing powder together and brushed them on.  I was worried this would look bad and/or destroy my brush but I am happy to say it didn't (I think the pictures at the top came out better). 

You can see the sparkles on the dress better here I left the cloak plain to avoid having too much of a good thing.

I made Anna's outfit a little more muted but the skirt is done with the same embossing powder as Elsa's corset.

I also put some sparkle in the magic energy coming out of her hand.  The sharp eyed will note that this pair has individual bases for games and a magnetised base for display. 

If you haven't seen the movie don't bother unless you Really like Disney films but I do invite you to check out this clip the shows you how clueless these parents are and how it should have ended. 

'Epic Fail' from PeterD - Charles le Téméraire

My epic fail is Charles the Bold aka Charles le Temeraire aka Chuck the idiot, last of the Valois Dukes of Burgundy.  The figure is Perry Charles the Bold figure that comes with their Burgundian Cavalry Wing army deal, which was my birthday present last year from my wife.  
He has been kicking around in my lead pile since then, because I was loathe to paint up such a complete doofus.  However, Epic Fail seems to about cover it.  Last time I painted a Perry special for the Challenge I ended up with the third best in the Richard III class, so hopefully no repeats this year.

In picking a subject for this theme I was reminded of the scene in the film the "Producers" where Zero Mostel discards the idea of a broadway musical based on Kafka's Metamorphosis as being "not weird enough".  OK let's cover off the Epicness of Charles' Fail, to see if it's epic enough.

1. Charles inherited the third most powerful European country, the Duchy of Burgundy.  It was a patchwork quilt of fiefs from the Upper Rhine to the Low Countries, and it was fabulously wealthy.
2. He put together what is considered the first Renaissance Army using a combination of shot, shock and foot and hiring the best mercenaries from across Europe.
3. This army as WRG puts it, remains popular with warmers despite losing 100% of it battles.  Yes that right it's an 0-fer army.
4. He picked a territorial battle with the Swiss, who roughed every other power up badly.
5. The way he failed on the field of battle.  Chronicles speak of poor reconnaissance, overly complex battle plans and failing to consider what happens if the enemy did something different that you expect.
6. His cavalry strong army got surprised by massed pike columns three battles in a row.
7. He died in the final battle.
8. For extra points he left no heir but an infant daughter.  Now in Scottish history this is a regular rite of passage, but the Scots have a national identify where us the Duchy of Burgundy had none.
9. As a result the third most powerful European country simply ceased to exist.  The French got the actual Duchy of Burgundy and the Empire got the Netherlands and "poof" it was gone.

So let's sum this up.  Builds the "killer" army, designs the "can't fail battle plan" and then goes about losing every fight badly by failing to get the basics right.  Yep he was a wargamer and we've all seen him on the table, or possibly been him on the table.

Ok back to the mini.  Charles is a Perry special issue metal, his standard bearer is a combo of a Plastic Knight and the Plastic "light" cavalry set.  I wanted to avoid the standard "Blue and white with red cross" look that screams "Burgundian Ordinance" so that I could use the figure as a French commander in the Italian Wars.  Swiss illustrations show Charles in Gilded Armour with Red so I went with that. I've used a deep crimson which corresponds to an existing silk garment attributed to Charles.

And I found a livery for Burgundian Guardsmen that was 1/2 black and purple with a white cross for his standard bearer.  The flag is paper, printed at home and a standard Burgundian banner.

I am experimenting with new basing techniques, and used the same method as my Italian polearm unit yesterday.

One last issue, I leave it to Curt and Brendan to decide if Charles counts towards the Renaissance Men side duel.  We didn't say "no theme rounds" and we didn't set a time limit.

'Epic Fail' from SidneyR - The Artist Chance Card

"Chance Card #20:  One of your regiments is delayed arriving in the field owing to their commander's portrait being painted by the famous artist, Laarden van Rijn"

I've always loved introducing "Chance Cards" into my wargames. I think this is some deep-rooted memory from avidly reading Donald Featherstone's "Wargames Campaigns" and "Solo Wargaming" when I was a teenager. I loved the way that Chance Cards can dislocate even the best laid plans. A few years ago, we fought a seventeenth century battle and I added a Chance Card to the deck which forced one side to have a unit delayed reaching the battlefield as a result of the commander having his portrait painted by the famous Flemish painter, Laarden Van Rijn (a lesser known brushman than his more illustrious Dutch cousin). 

I liked that card. It wasn't game breaking. It was a bit of fun. And it was clearly an epic fail, albeit quite in character for the "professionalism" of some historic Flemish commanders of the seventeenth century.

So, here's that Chance Card brought to life. We have the local civic militia, delayed in the Grote Markt while Mijnheer van Rijn completes his masterpiece. The cobblestones match the basing of the first Themed Round, and yes - the chickens have spread to this entry as well, clucking around the soldiers as they pose dramatically for the paintbrush. As befits a local militia, the soldiers have every variety of arms and armour, from classical helmets to flintlocks, from matchlocks and the Twelve Apostles to Flemish steel rapiers.

I did think of creating a tiny photoshoped version of Rembrandt's "The Nightwatch" on the great artist's easel, but I decided the barely-started sketch he's drawn is more in keeping with the theme!

I doubt a great painter can be rushed. He'll probably barely be finished when the militia start raising the defensive fortifications for the next themed round!

'Epic Fail' from MilesR - 'Hold My Flagon of Mead'

 One of the most ominous phrases that exists in todays modern English lexicon is "Hold my Beer..." as nothing EVER good comes afterwards.  How did this phrase become so cursed?  Well it's all the fault of this fellow, Gert a Dacian mercenary fighting for one of the Successor states against the Seleucids.   One day, while Gert was well into his cups in camp there was a commotion outside of camp.  Rising unsteadily to his feet Gert was heard to say "Hey hold my Mead, I got this...."

 Fueled by mead-based bravery, Gert strode confidently out of camp ready to take on anything the Seleucids wanted to throw at him.  Unfortunately for Gert the consumption of gallons of Mead actually impacted his judgement (something I must say has never happened to any challenge participant) and he was shall we say a bit over confident when the source of all the commotion turned out to be a really pissed of armored war elephant.

 Suffice it to say the contest was a bit one sided and poor Gert was literally stomped into the ground like a human nail.  Gert's bad luck was so complete that now the mere utterance of the phrase "Hold my Mead" or it's more modern counterpart of "Hold my Beer" is a harbinger of calamity.

The characters in our little morality play are all in 28mm scale.  Gert is a Dacian figure from Warlord and the War Elephant was supplied by Sergeant Major Miniatures.

Points might be 20 for the four figures and I'll leave it to Curt to score the Ellie.

'Epic Fail' from MichaelA - Predator

If it bleeds we can kill i!

Epic Fail?  A title that could so easily have been referring to my contribution for this bonus round as I was totally stumped for ideas when I first read it.  Still unperturbed I took it upon myself to indulge in a bit of web based research only to lose an hour of my life chuckling at the great many de-motivational posters that appear when typing in said title – people can be so cruel, but then again people can be so stupid!    Humour was going to be important in this round, something mildly absurd that it draws a smile over the most cynical of faces.

I considered famous military blunders of which there are many; the Charge of Light Brigade, Little Big Horn and Maginot Line to name but a few.  In the end it came down to using miniatures that I already had and in this case I fell upon the Dogs of War set from 'Rogue Miniatures'.
(group)

This seven piece team of exquisitely sculpted mercenaries, armed to the teeth with a vast array of weaponry, bore an uncanny likeness to a certain team of commandos.  A team that was last seen on a mission in an unspecified Central American jungle only to find themselves hunted by an extra-terrestrial trophy hunter;  I refer, of course, to one of the Austrian Oak’s finer celluloid outings – Predator.  I have to confess that I love this film, probably because I was of a very impressionable age when it received its theatrical release in 1987 and there is one scene, above all, that qualifies it to represent in the epic fail round.

How is it that a crack team of elite Special Forces troops manage to 'unload' vast quantities of ammunition into the jungle and miss everything?  For a full sixty seconds* the team decimate the rain forest faster than a logging company and fail, epically, to bring down their target!
 *I know because I timed it!

"No blood, no bodies... We hit nothing!"

Still not all was lost as a splatter of lurid, green blood on one of few remaining plants in the vicinity suggests that the Predator was now, at least, be sporting a flesh wound!  Yes this was cinematic gold and hugely entertaining nonsense, held together with some fine script-writing that proffered such memorable lines as,

"I've seen some bad-ass bush before, man, but nothin' like this."

"You lose it here; you're in a world of hurt."

and the immortal,

"Get to da Chopper!"

So my contribution to this round is made up of eight (I had considered just painting seven and claiming an additional five points for a 'cloaked' Predator,!) 28mm miniatures on a scenic base and is intended as a homage rather than an actual representation of the infamous scene; especially as devotees of the film will be quick to point out that it was Blaine, the self proclaimed "god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus", whose untimely end prompts the ensuing 'lead fest', with Sergeant Mac Eliot picking up, "Ol' Painless", a hand-held M134 Minigun, and firing off two hundred rounds - Epic Fail! 

'Epic Fail' from SeanS - Tank Hunter

It was at this point that Snozgit realized Bolgag was putting him on about the anti tank squigs.

My entry into the Epic Fail Bonus round was nearly that. I managed to glue in one of the bolters on upside down and didn't realize it until I had glued the sposon in question in place. After much cursing and a query of several facebook groups I chose to break the sponson off and soak the offending bolter in Simple Green. 24 hours later I could reassemble it the correct way.

I'll spare you the gory details, but I painted the entire tank with a brush. I think this is the first vehicle I've built and painted since I was about 12 years old.

The figures are both 40K, a Gretchin crewman of the Squig Katapult circa 1994 and a Leman Russ tank which may be from 2010. I chose to do the squigs in bright colors to make them pop and stand out from the Gretchin. The tank I've chosen for a yet to be named Cadian regiment that will see duty on Borborygmus Prime. I've chose to go with a grey scheme for the regiment. The camo is something that evolved as I painted it.

Not happy with things but I soldiered on and hopefully learned how not to build and paint the next tank. I left the decals off as I hit a wall tonight and am barely getting this in on time.

So if my math is right I get 5 for Snozgit, 11 for the tank (15 less 25%) and 50 for "epic fail", giving me 66 more points for the challenge and the Sci-Fi duel.

'Epic Fail' from AlanD - 'Squad, into the Crater!'

'Squad! Into the crater! Go, go go!' While encountering sporadic sniper fire in Quadrant 13, Unteroffizier Steiner and his men increase their knowledge of the local wildlife. Briefly.



Figures are from Dreamforge, with a bit of converting to alter some poses. The beastie is made from greenstuff and copper wire. Think these may be the first sci-fi figures I've ever painted. Something I like about the Bonus Rounds is the opportunity to try something different. Gee these Dreamforge figures are nice, by the way.